Dear worthless piece of shit,
(no, scratch that. that's just a little to blunt).
Dear waste of space,
How dare you waste my precious time with your non-chalant attitude walking in here late daily and not completing your assigned task? Furthermore, you are highly praised for the simple fact that you have a penis while I on the other hand bust my hump all day to complete any job and all I hear from management is "why isn't this done yet?" To top it off, you have the audacity to question my loyalty to God simply because I don't meet YOUR standards. This is my giving you the middle finger.
a very overworked, overwhelmed, under paid, unappreciated co-worker