Sunday, May 13, 2012


On December 2, 2000 I had a miscarriage. This was pretty traumatic for me. Attending church on Mother's Day became excruciating.  This holiday is weird because I am a mother, but I have no idea what it is like to be a mom. It hurts deeply that I lost a child before I even had the chance to meet the child. To help cope with this loss I immersed myself in the church nursery. I also babysit. I adore kids, and people say that I would make a great mom.

Starting in 2002 or 2003 I just decided to no longer attend church on Mother's Day. Each year, there has been at least one person who knows my story to wish me a happy Mother's Day. As my relationship with Jesus approached steroid level, I felt a strong desire to attend church on Mother's Day. I realized it's ok if I cry. It's ok if I say I'm a mom. It's ok if I have to tell 100 people my situation. I'm a mother, just a different kind of mother.

April 4, 2012 I learned that I have a torn tendon behind my left ankle and a stress fracture on the top of the foot. The doctor said I would be in a cast for 6-8 weeks. I've been in pain. I've been at home on the couch for over a month. I was starting to think I wasn't going to be able to make it to church today. I woke up this morning a little loopy from pain killers. I started to think, it doesn't matter if I miss this service. I can watch the service online. And then I realized the devil was just getting his way. Attending service today was about so much more than overcoming my mobility issues. I heard "Happy Mother's Day" several times and never cried. I got through this day without hurting. That's a huge accomplishment for me. For the first time in 8-10 years I attended church on Mother's Day.

I've been upset that my ankle is not healed, but completely overlooked the fact that my heart is healed!!

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