are what you spew when you are stressed and just don't want to talk about it.
Why do guests always ask to use the restroom? It suggest the host or hostess would rather they piss on the couch.
I was so stressed or upset tonight that I vacuumed a piece of furniture before I demolished it and tossed it. As I stood there with the vacuum cleaner dusting the furniture, I wondered if it was normal to clean something before throwing it away. Then I remembered I recently did the same thing at work. Before tossing two appliances at work, I thoroughly cleaned them with bleach. These appliances were border line deplorable with unintentionally home grown science projects. I rolled up my sleeves, put on the rubber gloves, and scrubbed for an hour or two until the appliances were spotless. The end result; we tossed both appliances. What is this obsession with cleaning? I used to think cleaning was my way to control the world, but I no longer feel as if my world has spun out of control. The pieces of my life are starting to fit together nicely.
Did you know women wear high heels to make their breast and butt appear more prominent? Of course, short women like me enjoy the added bonus of being able to reach stuff. I felt the need to answer this question since men tend to ask it. Mystery is solved. If you want us to have a nice rack and ass, we need to wear high heels. Deal with it.
I was at the grocery store tonight shopping for crackers. I see "stoned wheat crackers one of the best entertaining crackers." Can you guess what immediately came to my mind? Well of course these crackers are such good entertainers, they are stoned.
Two magazines headlines that I choose to read as one headline. ONE SIMPLE WAY TO BE A BETTER FRIEND; FIND YOUR BEST LIPSTICK
Today I was running a test for our IT dept and faxed documents through our fake system. Since it was our fake system to run all tests, I decided to make up my own company, Miller Broadcasting Company. The fax cover sheet read "This is only a test by the Miller Broadcasting Company :)" We later discovered, we have no idea where the faxes were sent. Since it is a fake system, I'm hoping that the recipients did not really receive faxes. That would be a little unprofessional.
I finished watching season 4 of Big Bang Theory just in time to watch an episode of season 5.
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