Friday, July 20, 2018

ultimate dinner fail

I often try new recipes so we're not eating the same food every week. I found a new recipe to flavor the all too popular "pot roast" a little differently. This recipe called for wine.

 Since my husband and I don't drink, I usually buy the little containers of wine at Walmart that have a twist top. I only had white wine at home from my last Walmart trip, and this recipe calls for red wine.

I'm a ALDI shopper. I LOVE ALDI!!!! Thanks to Aldi, we've cut our grocery bill by 1/3. I'm shopping at Aldi and I've heard great things about their wine, so I buy a $4 bottle of wine. After all, this recipe will be the bomb, and I'll make it again in the near future.

This slow cooker recipe calls for browning the chuck roast on both sides, then adding a few ingredients at a time to blend in some flavors, and then add to the slow cooker, I have an instant pot. I LOVE MY INSTANT POT!! I can saute in the instant pot, and switch over to slow cooker; making this a one dish recipe. YAY ME!

The roast is browning. I've added the veggies, and now it's time to add the red wine.

HOLY CRAP! HOW DO I OPEN THIS?

Wait, I know what a cork screw looks like. I'm in the middle of cooking, and I'm wearing my jammies. I can't just drive 1 mile down the road and wake up my good friend LJ to borrow a cork screw. I'm creative. I find creative solutions to problems all day at work. I GOT THIS.

I need something skinny and long. The a beater that goes with the hand mixer. I walk to my kitchen table and slowly plunge my beater into the bottle of wine.......

and just like a volcano erupts, wine explodes up and rains down all over me, the table, the floor, and the counter.  .....sorry no pics! I was in the room alone and covered in wine, didn't stop for a selfie!


Luckily, my bathrobe was downstairs, cuz I had to strip out of my wine soaked jammies. Now, there's no way to remove the beater that is now stuck in the cork. I had to precariously hold the beater and tile the wine to pour out just 8 oz to add to this recipe.

After getting the slow cooker started, I moved on to mopping up the floor, and wiping down the counter. I take my jammies, the table cloth & placemats to the laundry room and squirt everything with Zout, praying that it works cuz I've had the same bottle of Zout for about 6 years.

My husband enters the room about an hour and quickly deduces it simulates a crime scene from Law & Order and asked "what happened in here?"

Well, what had happened was......

Later..... all of the wine soaked items have been thoroughly washed and there is no evidence of wine.
After slow cooking for 10 hours, the veggies are still RAW, the chuck roast is tough and it doesn't smell as appetizing as the picture on the recipe (which usually only happens with frozen dinner). It's then that I glance up as rolling my eyes, and notice red wine splatters on the ceiling, wall, and white zebra blinds.

Luckily I paid over $20 per gallon of Sherwin Williams Harmony brand semi-gloss paint at the advise of my sister cuz I simply wiped the splatters off the wall with a wash cloth! Our Zebra blinds are just full of character, and it only took me 8 months in this new house to leave my mark!

Kitchen cleaned
Clothes cleaned
Recipe tossed

What a great laugh though :)

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