I never really felt that my grandpa was proud of me. He devoted his life to serving God. Knowing how conservative my grandpa was, I just always felt so unworthy. I carried around this tremendous burden of living a facade while being in his presence and I was so ashamed that I didn't meet his expectations of a good Christian.
I had a life changing moment yesterday morning in church. I am one of those people who needs to close my eyes in order to focus. I am just so easily distracted. As I stood there in my spot, I closed my eyes and was singing "I'm never going back, never going to back, never going back to the way it was" with my hands lifted high to the heavens. I felt my grandpa looking down on me with a huge grin on his face. I finally feel that my grandpa is proud of me. I never met grandpa definition of a good Christian. But now grandpa can see how much I truly love the Lord and am striving to serve God with all of my heart. This may seem odd, but a huge burden has been lifted from me. Grandpa passed away in November and I still felt this tremendous burden to meet his approval. Yesterday, I received his stamp of approval :)