Monday, May 30, 2011

Last night I watched the 3rd movie released in the Chronicles of Narnia series. Towards the end of the movie they are facing yet another battle and their opponent is "pure evil." I watched them grab their finest weapons and I thought to myself "you idiot, you don't need a physical sword to fight pure evil. You need the sword of the spirit." Sure enough, pure evil was demonic spirits that plagued each of them and their finest sword was completely useless. A couple of unmet needs in my life have been plaguing me. I fear that I will never have a family. Like most women I know, I want the husband and children. My head knows that I'm not ready for this yet. I still have some emotional wounds to heal first. But knowing that I'm not ready doesn't stop my heart from wanting it.

I went to bed around 1am. By 3 in the morning I was tossing & turning. The devil was filling me with all of these lies and I couldn't sleep. I finally fell back to sleep around 4:30 and the devil entered dream land. My dreams were nothing but heartaches. Friend after friend just betrayed me, mocked me, conspired against me, and I couldn't trust anyone. As the dream continued, I lost the husband & child I so desperately crave. Finally around 7 I got up out of bed and decided to attack the devil right back. I turned on my praise & worship music, I got out my devotions and I prayed. Tears started forming in my eyes and I just cried out to God. I'm not letting this devil defeat me. I'm going to have a good day today & the devil is not going to trip me up over stupid lies.

So although while watching a movie I can easily predict the next move to make, in my own life it seems to be a little more difficult than that. I should have gotten out of bed at the first sign of tossing & turning and cracked open my Bible. I should have started praying over my dreams before they turned so hurtful. Ironically, 2 of the people that were in my dreams last night I will see at a picnic today. So now I have to seperate the nightmare from real life.

Now, back to the Bible. There is no fear in love, but perfect love cast out fear; for fear has to do with punishment and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love. 1John 4:18

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