Tuesday, April 5, 2011

I'm so silly. Whenever I fall into temptation I usually laugh it off with the thought "well David was known as the man after God's own heart & he committed adultery & murder so I'm not that bad of a Christian." Granted, my attitude while laughing off any sin is not much to be desired. After pondering this for a bit I decided to indulge in the Beth Moore bible study David- Seeking a Heart like His. I'm only in week 2. I won't admit how long ago I started the study, but it was this year (LOL). I read about jealousy a little over a week ago (which was actually the previous lesson). That hit home pretty hard. I didn't realize how jealous I am of certain things & people. Today I read about David just 20 years old and on the run for his life from the King of Israel. After reading that one sentence I sat on the couch in my pajamas dumbfounded. I think that I actually muttered HHMM!! I often think that I can't get ahead at my job because I don't know the right people. You know the saying, it's now what you know but who you know. And if you're David and sitting in the palace as the friend of the King, you're doing pretty well. Who better to know than the King, right?? Well apparently the King can turn on you when he's threatened and then you need to know someone a little higher up the food chain. I never considered that before. David was anointed King of Israel as a child. And here he is 20 years old fleeing the country so he isn't killed. Can you imagine? And of course being the human that David was, he doubted his anointing. Yes, I can relate. I believe with all my heart that God will bless me with a husband and children one day. Now looking back on my life the past 10 years, I have reason to doubt. It's not like I have any prospects for this life even today. I'm not dating anyone. I'm not trying to get pregnant. Course if I were trying to get pregnant that would open up a whole new can of worms since I am single. I consider adoption, but I know that now isn't the time for that. So of course I have these moments where I doubt this blessing from God. But look at what God did for David. He was a fugitive in his own land and although I don't know all of the intimate details yet, he became King. How encouraging is that? I'm not nearly in that bad of a predicament. Surely God has the power to keep His promise to me. It's so easy for me to forget that God has the power to do anything. I see evil win on a regular basis and wonder where was God when all that transpired? I see people get away with crap that isn't fair and they are blessed & blessed even more. The rich get richer & the poor get poorer. I often forget that God is working in people's lives leading to greater things. I forget that God can easily tug on some one's heart strings and crush the evil spirit right out of there. I forget that God can lead someone to do the right thing. Now, this lesson gave me hope. It didn't solve any of my problems. I'm still in debt. I'm still struggling with how to pay all of my bills, save money for a car repair, and oh yeah process my passport application. I still don't have a guy calling me up tonight asking me to go out on a date. I still have to go work tomorrow and it's another day that I didn't add a chapter to my book. I'm still stuck with this sorry ass computer that I'm always tempted to throw out the window. But I have hope. I am encouraged. Not only does God bless me daily, but my dream will come true. My knight in shining armor will appear one day. My heart is no longer broken.

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