So I have come to realize that all of this anger spewing from within is deeply buried by grief. I lost a loved one 2 years ago. Instead of dealing with the grief I ended a 4 year dating relationship and dealt with loss.
My sister lost a loved one at the end of December 2009. Her friend was killed by a drunk driver. We haven't talked much about it, but watching & listening to her deal with grief uncovered something deeply hidden within me.
Sometimes it's easier to avoid an issue then to deal with the pain. I've been talking about Bill's death with a professional and I discovered some feelings buried deep down. I watched the series finale of MASH tonight. The entire episode was about saying GOODBYE. Do you know how difficult it is to say goodbye to a loved one? I usually say "see yuh later." I avoid saying goodbye. So tonight I talked to Bill. I told him how much I loved him & missed him and finally said that dreaded word. I hated to tell my friend goodbye, but he chose to leave so I have to let him go.
I've repeatedly heard the phrase "life is a bitch and then you die." I have a new, "grief is a bitch and then you live." In order for me (or anyone) to move on & live, one has to grieve. Grief hurts, it's messy, and can make you do things you regret. No one wants to feel pain. So we sometimes take the easy route and avoid it.
I'm letting him go.
In loving memory of William Bailey Sheldon. I always have my CD of CCR to listen to whenever I miss you.